Pond Hopper

As of today, I have 4 weeks to go until my due date - unless we go by the US doctors who put my due date a week earlier.  It will be interesting to see who's closer.  I'm hoping for sooner rather than later.  I had what seemed like false labor over the weekend & I've had a lot of pains and twinges ever since that are different than I've had before and I'm hoping it's my body preparing for labor.  Even if it's the 4 week due date, I have to say that it's wonderful to be on the home stretch and starting month 9.  I feel like I've been pregnant forever and can't wait to get to the end! I am finally at the point that they say to pack the hospital bag because it can happen at any time after 36 weeks (I'm 36 weeks today).  I've shopped for packing the bag but wanted to wait to pack it.  I think I'll do that later today.  It will make me feel like I'm actually getting somewhere.  The baby's room is just about finished.  I have so...

I just did the most ridicules thing! I went into the baby's room to get something out of the wardrobe and when I opened the door, I was confronted with a very large spider sitting on the sleeve of one of the baby's sleep sacks that was hanging there.  I am really bad with spiders - it's an awful phobia.  Looking at it there I thought, if I leave it there and run - I'll lose it somewhere in the baby's room!  I can't leave it in the baby's room!  What do I do??  I looked around for my options and thought I just need to get it out the window somehow.  I couldn't get close enough to grab the sleep sack to shake out the window - every time I moved the hanger the spider moved and it was too much for me to deal with.  The spider could have fallen into the wardrobe and then I'd have to search for it.  Worse - it could have fallen on me!  I started to panic and then I saw the curtain rod against the wall.  I stood far enough away so that if it fe...

Everything is a struggle these days.  The bigger I get, the less I can do.  We hired cleaners to do the heavy cleaning around the house for the last weeks of the pregnancy and the first weeks of recovery after the baby comes.  They're here now and I have to say it feels very strange having people clean my house around me while I sit here typing away.  I guess I should just feel grateful we have the means to hire help because with 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms - it's just too much for me to take on any more.  Still, I feel like a spoiled housewife... The baby is still breech.  The teacher from my prenatal classes came to my house last week to show me maneuvers and positions to get into to help encourage the baby to turn.  The thing is that you can't move a sleeping baby so I have to wait until he's active to do it.  On top of that, it's pretty strenuous to do so I also have to be feeling well enough to do it.  10 minutes a position for an hour - ...

The last couple of weeks have been really lovely pregnancy weeks.  Last week, we started our pre-natal (antenatal in the UK) classes.  It's a very small group of us that meet on Thursday evenings at the teacher's house.  It's really nice because it's very casual and quite social.  Because there are only 3 other couples, we cover what ever it is we want to cover (although the teacher does make sure she covers the essentials).  It's been lovely for me because I certainly don't have a social life and having other couples to share and discuss things with has been really enjoyable. This week, my midwife was on vacation and her replacement was wonderful.  During my examination, she showed me the babies head between her two hands on my belly.  She showed both Wayne and I by directing our hands as well - it was amazing.  She was so enthusiastic about it as well (my midwife has no personality and doesn't seem to enjoy her job in any way).  It was the ...

It's 4AM and I can't sleep.  I slept for a little while, but got up for one of my many bathroom trips of the night, and couldn't get back to sleep. The baby is due in just over 10 weeks.  I feel huge and assume I am because I've been asked on more than one occasion if I'm having twins.  I met a woman recently that wasn't much bigger than me.  She asked when I was due and I told her I wasn't due until May and asked her - how about you?  She replied with '2 weeks'! She was due in 2 weeks and wasn't far off from my size.  I was so embarrassed (even after she assured me she was 'carrying small').  I've gained 25lbs so far (which isn't that bad considering I was on bed rest for a month after having surgery during the 1st trimester). I took a good look in the mirror today and I'm mainly belly.  Sure, I sometimes feel like I'm beginning to resemble Jabba The Hut, but the extra weight isn't really that hard to deal with.  That...

The other day, I had someone say to me - 'What's with your blog? - It's weak.'  I know it's weak.  I know I avoid it like the plague and never actually sit down to do anything about it.  There are probably a few reasons for this... A little over a month ago, I found out that two of my exes read this blog that I didn't know knew about it.  Knowing one of them in particular reads, makes it even harder to sit down and write about things that are going on in my life.  I run my own business from home so I don't have a lot of outside influences to inspire what I write about. In turn, this blog has always been very personal.  It's not like I can write about the little things like what happened on my way to work today or a conversation I have with a co-worker.  There is no office and there are no co-workers.  My life pretty much consists of Wayne, me, myself & I (not to mention the little guy I'm sharing my body with at the moment).  I'm not comp...

I don't blog nearly enough.  It's strange really because I'm the type that has always kept a journal or diary of some sort.  I need to write out what's on my mind to get it out and feel better for addressing it.  Since I've been pregnant, I can't seem to bring myself to do that and I'm really not sure why.  I have a pregnancy journal as well (actually, I have 2), but I have yet to really write anything in them.  Again, I'm not sure why.  I have so much on my mind and I'm feeling so much with this baby coming (as well as a few other things I've had on my mind as well), but I still can't bring myself to write it out... I've kept to myself a lot since we got back from the states.  I don't make many calls and I spend my days alone quietly keeping busy.  I've had other expats email me to make contact with other expats living here - I want to respond to them - I keep meaning to and yet I don't any more than I blog when I know I shou...

How many times have we said to ourselves - If I knew then what I know now... I've thinking that a lot lately. The thing is that I've recently found out an ugly truth about my past that's been hard to come to terms with. It turns out that someone that meant a great deal to me was someone I don't know if I really knew. They kept something from me and in all these years, never told me the truth. If I had known then what I know now, a great deal of my life would have been very different - unbelievably different. So now I know this truth and on one hand, I'm brokenhearted and feel so hurt (even after all these years). Maybe it's partly because they had no apology. They truly felt that because it happened so long ago, it required no explanation and actually treated me very badly when they realized how upset I was. On the other hand, I can't help but wonder if it's not knowing of that betrayal that's let me to where I am where I am now. If I had kno...

Tomorrow is my birthday.  I'm turning 36.  It feels uneventful this year - like I could almost forget if I wasn't near a calender.  Maybe it's because this year things are more like they should be and turning another year older just isn't p phasing me all that much.  I know last year turning 35  really bothered me, but I was turning 35 and still had no children - maybe I felt time was running out and it scared me.  This year I'll be having a baby and I have a wonderful husband & marriage.  This year it hardly even bothers me that I'll be spending most of the day by myself before Wayne gets home from work (I guess we'll have to see how I feel tomorrow).  Maybe birthdays don't phase you as much when you have almost everything you want.  A few friends in the same country would be nice, but I can't really complain can I? The baby furniture  came for the nursery today.  I'm really excited to see it and hoping Wayne will be just as ke...

I haven't written in a week or so.  I've had a lot going on - some rather emotional stuff that's had me distracted and I've been keeping to myself.  To add to what was already on my mind, I got a call this morning from my mother letting me know that my step-Dad's brother past away last night.  My step-dad is a parent to me in every sense of the word and it is difficult being so far away while he is in so much pain.  He broke down on the phone with me as soon as he heard my voice.  In my life, I've only heard him cry once or twice before and it was terrible.  His brother was young - only in his late 40s or early 50s.  He was sick for a long time with leukaemia, but after a bone marrow transplant he was doing well and we thought he'd pull through.  He took a turn for the worst in the last week and died last night.  I was really shocked to hear it.  I guess I don't like to think the worst and just thought he'd be okay.  It's hard not b...

We got back on Friday afternoon.  Saturday, I slept until 2pm.  I don't think I thought through how pregnancy and arthritis was going to factor in to such a long trip.  We were on the go for almost 3 1/2 weeks straight.  There wasn't a lot of time for rest and I'm still paying for it now with a good deal of pain and little or no energy for most of the day.  It was good to go back and see everyone, but to be honest by New Years Day, I was ready to come back.  Things happened with family that I won't go into that put a bit of a damper on my time, but I think maybe it's better that way - there are a lot less tears when you leave feeling a bit fed up. I'm nearly 6 months pregnant now.  It's going so fast now that the 2nd trimester started.  The first trimester was the longest 3 months of my life, but now it's flying by.  The baby is active every day and I can't say enough about how amazing it is to feel this little life inside me every day. ...