Pond Hopper

Yesterday, after writing about a friend that died many years ago, I had a comment by a reader that told me I must live in the present.  Yesterday was not a good day to say this to me.  It bothered me - as if I was being told I don't live in the present or worse it suggested I should forget my friend.  This is a public blog that has visitors from all over the world most of whom I don't know.  Comments are bound to be made - some I'll agree with and others I won't.  It's a part of the experience and I welcome any feedback that my readers want to give.  But I have to say that this comment just didn't sit well with me and I'm going to attempt to explain why. I don't like being told to forget my past.  It's insulting to be told to forget what's made me the person I am.  I think people spend too much damn time trying to forget their pasts.  Believe me, there are a lot of things I would like to forget.  My life has not always been easy.  I...

Today is a significant day for me. It was on this day 15 years ago, that I lost a friend - one of the best friends I've ever had. I write about him every year. I try not to talk about how he died, but how he lived. So today I'm going to start from the beginning... When you're a kid, summer is a magical time filled with adventures and possibilities. When we finish school and get older, somehow that magic fades and we forget what it was like to be so young, carefree and optimistic. With age, it becomes a season instead of the adventure it once was. My last summer of magic and optimistic youth was the summer of '89. That summer, my high school sweetheart dumped me for the 2nd consecutive summer (wanting the time to be free before the fall when he’d decide he wanted a girlfriend again). I was down in the dumps and a friend invited me to a party to try to cheer me up. She wanted me to meet her new boyfriend and said that he had a friend she knew I’d hit it off with. ...

After a long few months, it's time for Wayne and I to start trying for a baby again.  To be honest, I've been tentative about this time coming.  A few weeks ago, I was thinking that I didn't think I'd want to try again right away.  My thinking was that when we do try again I'd have to be prepared for the possibility of another miscarriage.  I'm 35 and would be lying if I said I wasn't worried that there could be something wrong with me that would cause me to not be able to sustain a pregnancy.  The doctors here don't do tests until it's happened 3 times.  My biggest fear is that I may have missed my chance.  I know my worries may be superfluous, but it's still a possibility that I have to recognise and it's really not something I can say I'd be prepared for no matter how much time I tried to allow myself.  So now that the time has come, I can't help but want to try again right away.  Wayne was keen to dismiss the doctors advise on wai...

I've had so much going on in the last few months that have just thrown me into a bit of a tailspin and I've been really down.  The same week I had the miscarriage, I was given the news that I was losing my business.  I have a small cosmetics web store and I was told by my supplier that they were changing sales policies and shutting down all outside web business (driving all internet sales to their own site).  They told me that as of Sept. 10th all sites will be shut down.  This news hit me hard and the timing was awful. My supplier has guidelines in place for outside sales that I have never I'm really followed.  I have always broken the rules and knew that sooner or later they would catch up to me and shut me down.  It's been over a year.  I've had some warnings from them, but never listened thinking I'd keep going until they forced me to close.  I've always viewed it as riding the wave while I could.  I knew one day it would come to an end b...

It has been brought to my attention that I don't follow up on things I write about.  I mention things that go on, but don't mention them again.  Quite honestly, I didn't think there was enough interest to warrant it, but I've been told I should so I've decided to write a quick update... On quitting smoking - I'm sorry to report that I've faltered and over the weekend bought a pack of cigarettes.  It's been an emotional time for me and I've found it quite difficult to quit.  I think the unexpected experience I had while under hypnosis may have caused it to be ineffective this time around and have made an appointment to go back to see him next week. On the in-law's visit -  It went okay.  No problems.  All I can say is that it was a VERY long 4 days.  It's not that I dislike them - I just don't know them all that well and it's awkward when they visit. On the entry about my old friend - I ended up giving into my guilt over the situat...

It's been a long time since I've shared any of my photography.  Today, I updated my Photos Section with a a new album (called 'Our Town' ) of photos I took around our town while Wayne's parents were visiting earlier this month. I take for granted how beautiful it is where we live.  I've included photos of the town centre (which is on the sea front) and also the cliffs we have here (also known as 'the downs').  You will notice in some of the photos that were taken at the downs  flowers and crosses on the side of the cliffs.  Those were left by the loved ones of people who jumped from the cliffs.  Some might find this morbid or disturbing to see, but I've included them because it's a part of the experience of the downs.  I've been told that more suicides take place there than anywhere in all of Europe (about 25 a year according to an article I read on the BBC News website).  It's a sad fact and as beautiful as the place is - it can't b...

I went to the hypnotist yesterday to quit smoking.  I'm feeling ok.  I've done this before and it worked for 2 1/2 years so I know it can work.  I just have to get through the next couple of days and I'll be fine.  I'm having my first cup of coffee now.  My favorite cigarette of the day was with my morning cup of coffee.  Last time, I gave up coffee as well just because I found it associated too much with smoking, but this time I'm trying to keep the coffee.  I've only been smoking for a matter of months this time around - last time was nearly 15 years so I think I might be able to handle my morning cup of coffee without the added nicotine hit.  Time will tell... Hypnosis is a really odd experience.  People say that you don't remember anything that happens while under - I think those people are full of it and have never actually experienced it.  I remember everything and while sitting there, I was completely aware of the room and the so...

My in-laws are arriving tomorrow.  They're staying until Monday.  I know it's awful, but I've been dreading their arrival for weeks.  They're nice enough people, but I don't know them well.  I see them only a few times a year and this house is small for 4 people.  Wayne and his family are not what I'd call close knit.  They're almost awkward around each other and it's not easy to deal with.  I always feel as if it's on me to keep up conversation and it's exhausting when they're here for more than a couple of days. His mother is a bit of a clean freak.  I can clean this house from top to bottom twice and never feel like it's clean enough for a woman who bleaches her tea cups on a weekly basis.  I keep a clean house, but by her standards - my house must seem a mess.  I've cleaned the guest bathroom twice.  I have the menu planned and later tonight, I'll be ironing their bedding (not something I would nornally do, but she does and I ...