Yesterday's entry made me realize how much I've changed in the last few years. Some years back, I was going through self analyzation faze. I wanted to figure out what it was about me that I might need to change in order to be a better person and to have a happier life. I knew I need to consult someone who really knew me, but wouldn't be afraid to be honest with me. I decided to consult the one person that has not only seem me at my very best, but at my very worst and somehow, always loved me anyway. So, I went to my PC and sent him an instant message asking if he'd be willing to talk for a minute. He agreed, and I got straight to the point and asked him what my biggest flaw was. He didn't have to think about it. I saw on the bottom of the screen that he was typing a message and I tried to prepare myself for his answer. A million things went through my head - you're too sensitive, you're too sarcastic, you're too quick tempered, you're a drama queen (would he dare??)... I tried to be ready for any answer he could have and this is what he said - 'Your biggest flaw is also your greatest attribute: You truly believe there is good in everyone and as wonderful as that is, it's also very dangerous.' I was stunned by his answer. He knew me so well and leave it to him to point out my biggest flaw and still make me feel special. Touched by his answer and startled by how right he was - I sat for a moment to collect myself. I think he thought he hurt me with his answer and probably sat in dread for a moment before I said anything. Through my tears, I thanked him and we said our good-byes soon after.
These days, his answer would not reflect the person I am. These days, I'm a jaded cynic. I don't know when or how it's changed, but I know it's not who I am anymore. Maybe I've been hurt or disappointed one too many times. Maybe it's being exposed to the world and finally seeing it for what it really is. Maybe I've seen people lie and be disloyal to each other one too many times. I don't know what changed me, but I do know that what once defined me is no longer who I am. I wonder if he knew this if he'd be glad to see I've finally grown up or if he'd somehow, be disappointed by it. I guess the bigger question should be - If it's no longer who I am then what would the answer be today and was I better off before I became so jaded?
Recently, a magazine here in the UK issued their list of their Top 100 women in show business. This sparked conversation between Wayne and I and one rainy weekend when we had nothing to do, we compiled our own Top 20 lists. The rules were we had to judge on looks alone (not their physique) and only one token model was allowed. For fun, I thought I'd add our lists here for you to view and enjoy. Maybe it will even spark conversation between you and a friend or loved one. Wayne and I actually had a really good time creating our lists together - judging each other's taste in the opposite sex and laughing over how long it took for us to prioritize our selections. We still change the order every time we look at it! (although our top five have remained the same) Enjoy and feel free to comment!
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